It was close to midnight. We were sitting on our bare bottoms on the damp sand, giggling and laughing and rolling over each other, gently prodding the stars that hung above us. We watched the dark sea in awe and quoted phrases that made no sense to us but sounded wise and made us laugh harder. We squinched our eyes and listened hard, listened hard to the furthest sound we could hear. We sorted through the noise like sorting through a filing cabinet, picking out which ones were closer and which ones were further. First the ocean rolling in and out in yin and yang. Then the music that swam into the night from a club nearby. I hear crickets, she says. They are wrestling and kicking their feet and that was that.
It is close to midnight now. Pictures of the people I adore are scattered on my wall, like star signs dotting the night sky, held in place with blue tac. People I haven’t met in years roamed the corridors of my memory palace like it was yesterday.
I saw a girl, her eyes were closed, hugging her friend in a moment frozen in hysterical laughter. I saw a boy standing next to someone who looks like a younger version of me, smiling proudly at the camera. I saw faces, now far away, smiling down at me, some pointing at something behind me, and others looking at each other, perhaps talking about something important at the time. Years ago that felt like yesterday, or was it yesterday?
Carefree days. Days of discovery. Days when we were in the middle of growing up and finding out for ourselves, what our place was in the make of all this.. When there was nothing much to be done than sit down on the beach and draw shapes on the sand and figure out what we have to do with ourselves. And drink cheap wine, don’t forget the wine, he says.
Now we are older, and we spend time talking of lovers, lost and found. Of days at the beach, of coffee, of sex and loud parties. Of absolute nonsense sometimes, and at other times, of family and friends and books and places that taught us something.
These are the friends, those who hug you the tightest, and hold you the longest. They are the ones that look you in the eye, and say “Whatever you did wrong, whatever you thought you did wrong, it doesn’t matter. Everything will be okay. Jump up and down on your bed six times. It will go away”. Friends call you names and punch you, expecting you to punch harder. Friends sing, even when they know they can’t, only to cheer you up. They insult you, call you names, and dare you to insult them with more. Friends fall in love with you, and watch you fall in love with someone else. Friends become lovers, and then become complete strangers who have you stored in their memory bank with fondness ….but also try to avoid you on social media. Friends watch you break you heart, and are right by your side with the remedial tub of ice cream and cookies to stitch your broken heart back together. Friends dance the waltz with you, knowing very well that you’re going to step on their toes but dance with you anyway because it’s fun. Friends call you at 2 o clock in the morning, in the middle of a panic attack because the condom broke. They send you little doodles of cats or stick figures for no apparent reason. Friends hold your hand and sit silently next to you, and wait for the storm to pass.
But friends, also fall out. Some grow up with you.. But others grow out like baby teeth falling out, only to be replaced with new, more stronger ones that support you for longer. Maybe she has changed. Maybe he was not ment to stay. Maybe they come, and they go. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. Maybe their role in our life movie was to come, make amazing memories with us, and leave before the end credits roll.
And maybe that’s okay.
It’s okay because we are all little puzzle pieces, lost souls that roam around looking and hinging ourselves to those that we feel are home, and maybe, like stubborn teenagers, we leave when we think we’ve grown up.
I thought the above was appropriate. C: Its how Amalini sees the world.